Hello Good People –
Have you ever wondered why what you say you’re going to do and what actually gets done rarely lines up? Do any of these sound familiar?
I’ll sign up for school next semester
It’s too cold outside today. I’ll run tomorrow.
I’ll start working out the first of the year.
That’s it! I’m done! I’m through with her!
I’ll set up the appointment with that Life Coach next week.
I know I promised to cook him his favorite meal today…
They can keep this job! I swear to god I ain’t going in a nan nother’ day.
As soon as I get home I’m letting him know – it’s over!
Alright! this is my absolute last twinkie!
When my income tax comes I’m moving away from all these mofos!
These utterances sound good in the moment. They make us feel energized and powerful. And for all we know – what we said we’re going to do is a done deal. But there’s something that won’t let us do it. That, “thing,” always stops us dead in our tracks and subsequently derails us from making progress toward our goal.
The most likely reason why you struggle to do what you know you ought to be doing is because of the invisible battle going on inside of you. It’s the struggle between the conscious vs. the subconscious mind.
Here’s the most important thing about the subconscious mind I want you to know: It controls 97 percent of your behavior.
So, if your mother (or the person who raised you) told you you were, “good for nothing,” or said, “no one will ever like you, just like they never liked your no good father,” or “I should have aborted you when I had the chance,” and you internalized her words, you are going to have difficulty making decisions in adulthood. Why? Because subconsciously, the malignant melodies of your mother’s words are drowning out and distorting the words you are telling yourself today.
Coach Miller, how do I get past this? How do I get unstuck?
Here’s one strategy to help you overcome the pain of your past (abuse, abandonment and rejection). It’s called, Boss Your Brain. Lately, I’ve been using this strategy as a hashtag in all of my social media posts. If, #BossYourBrain, works for you, feel free to share it in your posts as well. The method for using it is as follows:
While Looking In The Mirror, Reframe The Negative Words. If your mother or caregiver said, “no one will ever like you, just like they never liked your no good father,” You will say, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” or “I can name 5 people who love me and I love them back,” or “Your words no longer have a place in my life, mom”
Repeat The Reframes Multiple Times Each Day. The subconscious mind doesn’t really know the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. I’m all for imagining a happier and more vibrant and extraordinary life. As you repeat these positive phrases i.e., affirmations, your subconscious mind will start believing what it hears you saying
Take A Specific Action. For example, if you are telling yourself, “Your words no longer have a place in my life, mom.” Introduce yourself to someone new. Pick someone who “seems” approachable. Remember their name and repeat it at least twice (Once in the beginning and once at the end of the conversation. People love to hear their name) While you are talking, keep your head held high. Speak with confidence. Smile when appropriate.
See Your Success. It doesn’t matter what specific action you take. It doesn’t even matter if the other person or thing (signed up to begin taking piano lessons, etc.) you tried it on doesn’t work perfectly. I want you to view the attempts and tries as successes. Because when you view your thoughts, words and actions in an affirming manner, you release positive neurotransmitters i.e., serotonin and dopamine. These neurotransmitters make us feel good. They make us feel alive and they are the fuel we can use to raise the frequency of our vibrations. Fact: You do this often and frequent enough, your brain will literally form new neural pathways inside of your head. These neural pathways are what produces new habits. Extraordinary habits lead to an extraordinary life.
Bossing Your Brain is a powerful yet simple way to help you overcome the pain of your past so you can get the results you deserve out of life.
I hope you found this content to be helpful. If you believe someone else can benefit from it, feel free to share it with them.
As always, what you think about you bring about. What you focus on expands. And where attention goes, energy flows and results show. Make it an extraordinary day!
Yours in creating and sustaining an extraordinary life,
Your Chief Transformational Life Coach
CEO, The Mentoring Mind Group, LLC